Friday, January 6, 2012
"The truth never set me free so I'll do it myself."
The title for this blog comes from some lyrics by Paramore in their song "Careful". Music shows what mood I am in and totady is a doosie(sp?). I find that I am needing to make a list of goals to reach for. A friend of mine did this instead of making a New Year's resolution. Ok, so here are some...
#1. I need to work on getting healthier. After the major illness I suffered this time last year, January 18th, to be exact, I need to take time to continue to heal. Everyday gets alittle better, but at times I do over do things. I got my pneumonia and flu vaccines, am on Phentremine to lose weight, and am trying my best to stay healthy.
#2. I need to learn not to sweat the small stuff. There are things in my life that I can not change, people too, so I should just let them be. Sorry to be cryptic, but it is what I do best.
#3. I need to reconnect with people in general. Recently I have become slightly a hermit, just in the past few weeks really and this bothers me. I don't like to isolate myself but my self confidence has taken quite a blow this year and I am finding out in a drastic way who my real friends are.
#4. I need to be there for my family. I feel extrememly guilty for my illness because I was gone for five months. This illness almost destroyed out unit, but my husband and I are far stronger than I ever thought possible. When we were younger, we used to say that it was us against the world. It really is.
#5 I need to spend more time with my mom. Since my father passed away, I have become more worried about her. I hate to admit that she is getting older, but age is just a fact of life. I wish I could put her in a plastic bubble and protect her, just like I wish I could do with my hubby and kids, but sadly I can't.
I guess that is all for now. I can't think of anything else at the moment.
#1. I need to work on getting healthier. After the major illness I suffered this time last year, January 18th, to be exact, I need to take time to continue to heal. Everyday gets alittle better, but at times I do over do things. I got my pneumonia and flu vaccines, am on Phentremine to lose weight, and am trying my best to stay healthy.
#2. I need to learn not to sweat the small stuff. There are things in my life that I can not change, people too, so I should just let them be. Sorry to be cryptic, but it is what I do best.
#3. I need to reconnect with people in general. Recently I have become slightly a hermit, just in the past few weeks really and this bothers me. I don't like to isolate myself but my self confidence has taken quite a blow this year and I am finding out in a drastic way who my real friends are.
#4. I need to be there for my family. I feel extrememly guilty for my illness because I was gone for five months. This illness almost destroyed out unit, but my husband and I are far stronger than I ever thought possible. When we were younger, we used to say that it was us against the world. It really is.
#5 I need to spend more time with my mom. Since my father passed away, I have become more worried about her. I hate to admit that she is getting older, but age is just a fact of life. I wish I could put her in a plastic bubble and protect her, just like I wish I could do with my hubby and kids, but sadly I can't.
I guess that is all for now. I can't think of anything else at the moment.
Monday, December 5, 2011
"And if you die, I wanna die with you. Take your hand and walk away..."
The title of this blog is brought to you from the song "Lonely Day" by System of a Down. When I was blogging on MySpace, I almost always titled my posts with song lyrics because they mean so much to me. As a poet and writer, words are my friends. If I can make people feel what I am feeling, if I can bring people into a world of my own creation just through words then I have done something big and beautiful. I really don't have a whole lot to say. I met some new people today and I haven't gotten to meet that many new folks in awhile, being stuck at home most of the time lately. I am writing with a frenzy now, but I am scared of living too much inside of my own head. It can be a scary place to be sometimes! Hell, who am I fooling? It's always scary in there!
Friday, October 14, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
Ok, I am not used to being alone so much. So I write constantly and play my
llittle games on Facebook. I don't know what else to do with myself. I laugh at
my dog because he follows me from room to room when I realize I now understand
how he must have felt when I worked 30-40 hours a week and laughed when he
always seemed so happy to see me when I got home from work. I was denied for
disability for the second time yesterday and have my attornies on the case. Let
them earn their money! I have also been reading alot of Stephen King books
lately...He's a writer, I am not if I have to compare myself to him! Ok, I think
I am done rambling for awhile!
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Wish You Were Here...
I used to blog tons on MySpace, but I have lost the taste to write about myself. Let me tell you why...
I wrote my autobiography this past year, "Am I a Phoenix or a DoDo Bird? A Memoir". It was excruciating to say the least. I was sick to death of myself and my head. Then I got sick, ended up in the hospital for three months, almost dying a few times in the process. I had to go to rehab and learn how to walk again as well. So, I am no longer sick of me. I am just happy to be able to sit and write again. I don't know what else to do with my life now that I am "disabled" except to write. I am at odds with my new life, I suppose. I have not been able to write any poetry and i gave up smoking for good because now I am on oxygen. These are aldo things that I am upset about. I know this first new post won't make fluid sense because I feel as though I am just rambling, but the liklihood of anyonever reading this is slim. Just like I believe only five people have read my last book. I know that I have told myself that I only write for me, but it would still be nice if someone would read my stuff!!!!!!!!!! I lost my father a year ago, as of July thirteenth and it still hurts. I wish he was here.
I wrote my autobiography this past year, "Am I a Phoenix or a DoDo Bird? A Memoir". It was excruciating to say the least. I was sick to death of myself and my head. Then I got sick, ended up in the hospital for three months, almost dying a few times in the process. I had to go to rehab and learn how to walk again as well. So, I am no longer sick of me. I am just happy to be able to sit and write again. I don't know what else to do with my life now that I am "disabled" except to write. I am at odds with my new life, I suppose. I have not been able to write any poetry and i gave up smoking for good because now I am on oxygen. These are aldo things that I am upset about. I know this first new post won't make fluid sense because I feel as though I am just rambling, but the liklihood of anyonever reading this is slim. Just like I believe only five people have read my last book. I know that I have told myself that I only write for me, but it would still be nice if someone would read my stuff!!!!!!!!!! I lost my father a year ago, as of July thirteenth and it still hurts. I wish he was here.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
First Blog.........Loose lips sink ships
I have a MySpace and a Facebook and I enjoy these sites, but I have decided to move into a new place, for lack of better words. I am a writer. I have three books published and very few have sold. I blame the publishers and myself slightly because of my lack of time to push them at people. I like to start my blogs out with song lyrics and I like knowing useless trivia facts about everything under the sun. I sometimes find my chosen profession rewarding, but most often not. I am a hairstylist, but I want to be a full time writer. I am climbing toward thirty years old and this distresses me slightly. I never thought that I would live to be eighteen, doomed to become like Sylvia Plath, only less famous. Now I am a wife and mother and even though these a wonderful things that I have accomplished, it has been a stuggle all the same to find myself. I guess I have already found the cure to growing older by writing poetry. I have nothing more to say really, just that my poetry has always been like little pieces of me, snapshots of my life and I plan to add them here in time.
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